Taken from a blog written July 2019
When people want to change their mindset- One of the questions I ask either in my coaching practice or hypnotherapy is: What did you like doing when you were 5 years old?
5 is a pivotal time in a child’s life. There is little social conditioning happening and parents are usually the only influence we have up until that point.
So this weekend’s hypnotherapy was about inner child work and dealing with childhood trauma and influences. My recent pensive state has had me considering: Could childhood influences affect the way I view and interact with people in my adult life?
As usual, we practice hypnotherapy on our fellow classmates. This week I felt brave enough to tackle the subject of my relationship with my mother, because I decided it was time to make friends with my inner child.
During trance I was taken back to a time 15years ago when I stopped speaking and ceased all contact with my mother. I looked at the series of events that lead to that point. A series of events that started as a teenager.
My teenage self was surrounded by negativity and being picked on, down to someone else’s jealousy. This is a trait I seem to perpetuate and encourage in my relationships.
It’s almost like I can’t thrive without negativity. I’ve learnt to use it to drive me in a ‘I’ll show you!’ way. I spent my entire teenage years hating my body and flitted between various eating disorders. It was my way of pleasing my mother.
I remember the first day I consciously set out to starve myself. It was 31st December and I was 13 years old. From that day on,I spent the next 7 years starving and binging, vomiting and having a diet of laxatives. I don’t know how it started but I do know that comments about my looks from my mother had been some sort of trigger. I could show her, I could be thin and beautiful. It took a long time to overcome the habit and I never pinpointed the source. I do know I always seek out beauty in partners. The conscious me knows this is wrong and destined for disaster.
I also like to please people. I became a constant people pleaser, because pleasing people got me recognized and rewarded as a child, regardless of how unreasonable or irrational the other person was. Childhood me was scared of upsetting or disappointing my mother.
I didn’t colour my hair, I was always smart, always wore make-up, because these were the things I knew would make her happy. However, they just insighted jealousy and hatred. I was always compromising but often felt ‘put upon’.
I am wayward and free as a person, but I always seem to seek out partners who want to control and hold me back. My bad relationship with money and the inability to hold on to it was another topic I covered and will be covering in subsequent sessions.
In trance I was able to look at myself and work on changing my inner child thoughts and re-programming them for my adult brain. I also used a technique called hypnodrama to look at my mother’s perspective. I haven’t forgiven her, but I could start to understand her behavior and think about where her jealousy came from.
During the session I had an abreaction and cried or should I say childhood me cried. She cried to be loved without conditions.
On waking I didn’t feel anything other than relief.
I was relieved I could start to unravel negative feelings and also rationalize them and make friends with the past. I’m starting to make friends with my inner child and give her the hug she very much needs to continue and thrive. I want to thrive on positive energy without seeking it.